Curtains Up

Tonight, on the eve of cashing my first really-forealforeal-big-girl paycheck, I am sinking into a realization like one lowers themselves into a hot, bubbly bath: I am officially living and working in New York — grindin’ in Midtown, rooted in Astoria. I feel like I’m in the grad school of life, stressed until I’m cross-eyed, making a thousand mistakes everyday, hitting every wall face-first and, most incredibly, coming out sweaty but smiling (literally — out of the N train, out of the Hearst sushi line; out of long one-on-one’s with the boss…). I almost forgot how wonderful such sweet, sticky challenge feels between my fingers. And I’m having a difficult time discerning the feeling between “I’m an intern staying for the summer” and “I’m a grown-up staying… indefinitely.”
(This changes, however, with every passing Happy Hour.)

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On a rooftop in the Upper West Side; "To the big girl life."

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I thought about it.

Before this, I’d always had a vision; a certain plan of the specific place I would inhabit, for specific reasons, that changed roughly every 6 months. And for the past 5 years, I’ve known at all times that wherever I was at any given moment was temporary to some degree — High school to college; college to home for the summer and back, home to abroad (a thousand journeys in itself), LA to SF to, finally, New York. And ever since I knew about college, I knew I’d leave home for it.

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Berna was a rollin' stone; Wherever she laid her North Face was her home

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Roughly 11 years of life in transit; always knowing I was going.
And all that stops now.
It actually stops.
I actually stop.

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Tired, sweaty, swollen and more alive than ever.

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I’m here in New York with a full-time job, hunting for leases, and for the first time in my memory, I have no plans of being anywhere else. Ever. Musings, maybe. But I’ve never seriously dreamed past this point. Not that it all ends here… In fact, it all starts here.
In long chains, in mapped-out sequences, I’ve been waiting for this my whole life.

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Oh, just God sayin' wussup as I laid in Sheep's Meadow

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Are my nomad days over?
Doubt it. I’ll always entertain the idea of working abroad and traveling.
But everything I’ve seriously worked towards ends and begins here.

What a strange feeling.
Like a room full of constant noise suddenly going very quiet.
Like a chatty pre-show auditorium gradually falling silent because they know the real show is about to begin.

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Curtains up.

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