How I Made 2013 My B…est Friend

I was rifling through an old journal (by old, I mean 2012 – I smash through roughly 4 a year), and I noticed something pressed between the pages of last-winter-ish.
I pulled it out.
I lol’d.
(Don’t judge me! This is a safe space. …MOM.)
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YES, I highlighted parts so it’d be easier to scan in case I was running late in the morning, SO

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I wrote this about a year ago, when I was in the depths of my career-related soul-searching, getting beaten down by a tough job and coming to terms with the fact that I was skraight-up changing dreams. (No one talks about this! Someone show me the ThoughtCatalog article on this! …And only if it was Chelsea Fagan.) The work-life I thought I had wanted forever suddenly seemed like a gaping black hole of GOD NO, and I needed to build a new ~*~DrEaM LiFe~*~ from scratch.

So, I The-Secret’d — I envisioned exactly what I’d like to be doing, should all things go my way (aka, should all things go as Infant Jesus intended). I sticky-tacked it onto my wall and made myself read it every morning while putting on deodorant. I started to memorize the cadence, every edge and curve of every word, like a prayer. I believed in it hard, like mid-2000’s Oprah-hard, while somehow still rolling my eyes at myself like, well, probably you (don’t lie!).

Funny thing, that vision: I realized, looking at my life now, about 80% of that dream life has come true. 

  • am a freelance writer & producer
  • …And as a producer, I am doing a TON of freelance video editing (makin’ FCP my B-I-T–)
  • am working on more crazy YouTube situations as we speak (currently consulting my consultants. …My nieces. #butactually.)
  • am saving up resources so I can come back to work at Y Camp, my friggin’ happy place — and lining up teen programming gigs in the meantime, wherein I get paid to feel all my volunteer-fuzzy-feelings
  • …howevs, I don’t have a dog. (All the better! I would ignore 100% of all of the above, and you, doesn’t matter who you are, if I had a dog.)
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And I’d like to think my year-ago self would be damn pleased with the sick-nasty (that’s a good thing. …MOM.) surprises that I couldn’t have forecasted, such as:

  • The summer to end all summers, double-stampsies-no-erasies
  • The kind of job that made me cry joyous/proud/what-is-my-life/#blessed-tears, on the actual reg
  • The time to truly Mommy-bond through Bangkok, Tokyo and Hawaii
  • The opportunity to circumnavigate the goddamn globe – to lunge in Sydney/Singapore/Malaysia/India/London – as said producer for an educational non-profit.
  • The chance to hang – really, really freaking hang – with my whole family on vacation, twice!

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Don’t even GET me started on a conversation about Inner Spirits, man

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I’d like to chalk it all up to The Secret, or Fairy Godmothers, or maybe carbs — I think it was a combination of the three. But there is much to be said about the fact that at one point, I realized that, since I was starting from scratch, I had nothing to lose; I threw my hands up, gave Jesus his damn wheel already, and followed what made me feel good with the vision of an idealist-on-uppers and the faith of a child.

To be clear, I had a lot of help, and worked really hard for a long time. And all of this isn’t to say that success is getting everything you want. But I got some good stuff, man. And I wanted it all, in a different way than I’ve ever wanted anything. And mostly, I was fueled by stubborn, naive, anti-anti-Millennial faith.

And, clearly, that sh&# worked.
I just realized it.
It freaking worked

(Can I just take a second to — thanks — OMG WTF BBQ SERIOUSLY I CAN’T BELIEVE IT WORKED HAHAHAAHAH HOW DID I WHAT IS MY WHO AUTHORIZED THIS AAAHAHAHAHAHA)
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relevant

#twentysomethingsolutions

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I searched for a long time for a sign, a signal to start, to quit, to e-mail him, to jump ship. I don’t remember if I ever found it (I would’ve gotten distracted from it anyway),
but in my teeniest tiniest dreams, I’m hoping this rambly post can serve as someone’s sign.
Like, right now. 

Dude. 
Go. 

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I really am, though! Like, all the time! Aren’t you?

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